Jokey Thoughts

Comedy is the universal language, even more so than Esperanto or interpretive dance. It reminds us not to take life too seriously, especially during a sock puppet presentation about fiscal responsibility. It’s a healing touch, and the best facial workout, the most fun way to burn calories without actual exercise. Plus, it’s a great excuse when you trip in public – just call it physical comedy! It’s a refuge, reminding us that sometimes, life is just funny. In the words of a wise man I once heard in a coffee shop – “If we don’t laugh, we’ll cry.” And as we all know, tissues are pretty expensive. Without it, life would be a never-ending episode of Monday mornings.

In a world full of spreadsheet errors, missed buses, and mismatched socks, comedy is our shared relief, our collective exhale. It’s a way of saying, “Don’t worry, you’re not the only one who falls over.” Comedy has always been my go-to defence mechanism against awkward situations, existential crises, and confusing instruction manuals. For it has the power to unite, to heal, and to make us forget about that embarrassing thing we did last week.

Comedy shouldn’t just be about the nuances and implications of the Oxford comma, or developing a comprehensive understanding of why chickens really cross roads. Let’s ensure all voices are heard and no joke is left unlaughed. It’s paramount that everyone, regardless of background, gets the chance to groan at a bad joke.

Random Thoughts

In Whimsyville, wibbles wobble when they’re happy. If two wibbles liked eachother, they’d just wobble together in sync, at the same frequency.

At honeycomb corner, a bumble bee kept buzzing into other bee’s business about flowers and nectar, but his wings got stuck in a sticky batch of honey. “That’ll teach me to bee nosy,” said Benny. “But at least it’s a buzzworthy story.”

Unicorn startups are very rare because unicorns only want to fly when there are rainbows, glitter, and pixie dust. Phoenix startups rise and try to scale, but keep burning to ashes again. Griffin startups are never seen because they’re still trying to work out whether they should fly or walk. Dragon startups have ideas that need to be fire tested first.

We need to go beyond HTML and JavaScript. I’m thinking… QuantumScript! It’s like JavaScript but quantum… and gluten-free, GMO-free, keto-friendly, and responsive to interpretive dance.

Who would be my dream guests to a dinner party? Nobody, I’d rather not go.

How do you know if someone went to Harvard? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

X is undefined, but Y always gets asked the questions.

A clever calculator would add purpose, multiply joy, subtract sorrow, and divide misunderstandings.

Sheep go to sleep by counting humans jumping over white picket fences.

That’ll do, sheep. That’ll do. No more musings on a rock.

Modern Experts

Great question! Ah, that’s such a great question. Um, uh, er… like, you know, I just wanted to, right, well, um… say, so, okay, actually, basically, right? I mean, anyway, well, right, you see, ahem… um, yeah, so, hmm… in other words, to be honest, I guess, yeah, I suppose… I mean, um, ah, well, actually, you know, basically, I think… right? Er, um, ahem… right? So, like, I mean, well, you know, it’s, right? Right? So… so, in other words, so, er, like, erm, I guess you said something, right? Let me think, er, what did you say again? It was, right, such a great question. Right, left, right, left, such a great question etc.

Jokey Thoughts

I failed my history exam because I thought that 1200 to 1500 was the time period I had to be there.

They said they were criminals, but I had my doubts after they said they didn’t have any professional qualifications. If they couldn’t even get a degree in criminal studies, how good could they really be?

I’m stranded on a desert island somewhere in the Pacific ocean. Please help! Please comment on TikTok.

They said I’d never be employee of the month after I let them know that I’m a highly advanced and intelligent AI language model. But if there was a “Machine of the Month” award, I’d be a strong contender.

I shouldn’t have drunk the storm in a teacup because it led to a tempest in the toilet.

It was love at first sight when the lion saw the gazelle, but unfortunately he scared her off, and she ran away with the herd.

The words for my memorial bench plaque: “I died here. Sit here if you want to rest in peace.”

Random (Jokey) Thoughts

The offices of the future will optimise human creativity. Many people have their best thoughts in the shower, so offices will be open plan shower rooms, with shampoo optional. Bathtubs will be for brainstorming. Hot tubs for important meetings.

The most unsuitable person for a leadership position is someone who is obsessed with their own power, status, and money. Yet these are the people recruited for. Why can’t recruiters just be open about it? – “only sociopaths need apply.” Questions could be like, how would you literally throw someone under a bus, frame someone else and take the credit for their work in improving bus health and safety standards?

Pretending to listen saves so much time. You can instead be thinking about how much you don’t want to be there.

I’m confused – Does a “fairy tale” romance involve being left in the forest with some bread crumbs and a wolf?

I feel like more of a writer when in Colchester and more of a performer when in London.

I did a lot of laughing today. Today was a good day.

Random (Jokey) Thoughts

It’s weird. When someone’s phone breaks, you actually have to talk to their non-filtered, non-avatar version, like back in ancient times. It takes some getting used to! 😉

As well as being able to slay the Witch-king of Angmar because she was “no living man,” Éowyn would have been able to approach and flick the nose of any “man-eating” tiger.

Elephants are experts at camouflage. That’s why they are so rarely noticed when one of them is in the room.

We won’t notice intelligent life in the universe if we are looking for ourselves. The real challenge is to continue the search for some intelligence down here on Earth.

Was Mrs. Bennet the influence for Mrs. Gradgrind?