Journal 2023-02-04

I’ve been writing some poems as guides for when I am improvising lyrics for songs. The words sound a lot better when sung rather than when read on a page because lyrics only complete their meaning when married to the music.

Random Thoughts:

The weight of an issue is usually determined by the emotional force of the past, rather than being proportional to its real likelihood and impact.

The true objective of a game is enjoyment.

If you were 100 feet tall, would a tiger be like a kitty cat?

Journal 2022-11-29

A bed demon under my pillow forces my eyelids open at night so that I can doomscroll on Twitter.

Problem solved? The thing that was bothering you has come and gone like everything else. What’s next on the worry list? Maybe while you’re thinking like this, you could add a few more items – and for every one that goes away you could add three more. Or don’t. Most problems disappear when the thinking about them stops.

What happens when you get everything you think you wanted? Unless you change with the changing circumstance, you will still be in the same mode of lacking, and will still thirst for more.

The universe is both beautiful and horrific. From some higher level, where things don’t matter so much, it might all be viewed as a single magnificently interesting thread of life.

Late last night in the street, a blue illuminated face peered down into the glow and said, “Don’t worry Charlie, whatever’s gonna happen, gonna happen.” Wise words there in the darkness.

Self-discipline is a necessary virtue for any progress. A useful question to ask oneself is: what am I learning?

Live this moment with inner quality.

Being viewed as attractive is attractive. A woman turned on is a turn on.

Journal 2022-11-11

Any sequence of words should aspire to be a poetic turn of phrase.

I am currently reading ten books, dipping into each depending on mood.

I usually prefer to read novels while listening to the partner audiobooks—because this slows me down, helping me to observe and imagine more; and includes literally another sense of what is happening.

Some recent comments I’ve had about me on webcam: “angelic”, “a Sith Lord”, “a purple alien.” I think I need to change my lighting.

Journal 2022-10-22

If you are not trying to appease anyone; if you are not trying to appeal to a market demographic; and you don’t need anything: watch out, you might actually do something worthwhile.

The first-person narrative voice in novels should be unreliable if it is to be realistic; and usually, the narrator shouldn’t realise that.

Good acting makes any script interesting.

Imagine telling people in the pre-internet days that if they pay a few quid a month they would have instant access to over one million books. I remember there were subscription services of a similar cost that would send two or three books a month in the post. Public libraries were always a thing though, to be fair, and most books could be ordered to the local library if requested.

As well as the books and online services, libraries have great community importance in providing free internet access to people and a quiet space to study or work.

Journal 2022-09-13

Someone was asking me about the constitutional settlement in the UK, and I had to correct myself fives times by saying “the monarch” instead of “the Queen”. My mind just didn’t want to use the new words.

Kim Jong-un has a 100% approval rating by his adoring serfs. The Kremlin is getting there with all their 180-degree advances.

I think the biggest compliment I’ve had in my office life was, “if we could clone Rob, everything would work.” I remember because I laughed.

When in ultra-efficient robot mode, I prefer asynchronous written communication over imprecise talking. I appreciate short, focused written updates at standard intervals, such as by a certain time of each day. A feature that sends reminders and tracks the updates would be useful.

Your state of mind can affect how you interpret the behaviour of others.

Search for a good lesson in a bad situation. Avoid bad habits in an easy situation.

Listening to podcasts helps me transition to and through unappealing routines.

Stress mode is not enjoyable but is productive for getting practical things done when the energy is focused on positive action rather than negative thoughts. My personal bests for creativity arrive when I am relaxed.

🖤 Dark chocolate with black coffee 🖤

I’ve got a thing for supremely dark chocolate. Sometimes I do speak literally.

Stories determine wellbeing. The ability to put self-told stories down, change them, or rewrite them, determines wellbeing. Every syllable counts.

The best stories speak from fundamental truth; the worst from secondary distorted sensations.

People assign themselves an identity from what society tells them. Imagine if that social situation is warped. Imagine if all that fell away. What is left, in terms of intrinsic worth?

Everything was interesting.

Journal 2022-09-04

Listening to classical music on headphones is a hack for me when I need to concentrate on one task for a sustained period of time. I think it calms the sea of thoughts that want to compete for attention.

I like designing apps using Figma. Bubble is a very easy way to prototype those designs.

I think I need to listen to the classical music in case other random massive project distractions just pop in.

I can only do comedy as a bizarre character, such as myself.

Just as we cringe at some of the motifs in old film and TV, hopefully future viewers will squirm at some of the current output.

Thinking based on the current point of the zigzagging trend can make you a well-fed sheep, on a mutton farm.

Journal 2022-08-24

To be ultra-confident you can either be a deranged narcissist or you can be yourself completely. The former is fragile, needing lies and selfishness to delay its inevitable demise; the latter invites a playful, open curiosity to life and what is.

There is no desire to convince others that you are happy when you are actually happy. There is no desire to show off to others when you have a sense of fulfilment. There is no hunger for external validation if you appreciate yourself. Showing off a glamorous lifestyle on social media as the suggested purpose of work is no purpose at all.

Initial ideas are easy only if they arrive from the lightbulb moment. The conditions that had to be in place for a person to be able to form original creative ideas were probably far from easy to obtain.

Journal 2022-08-21

I tried work once, but I prefer cake, selfies and sunsets.

Your mental state affects your physicality. It’s also true the other way round.

An interpretation of Human World is that Guy/John is mentally ill and is projecting the thoughts of his split personalities on his interpretation of events. It actually looks quite good on camera when he is in the location of the scenes and just speaking the parts of the first-person narrative to himself as a monologue, cut with green screen shots to camera. Projecting my narration on other characters in the scenes has a weird effect and also works. Film length will be about 8 hours. Accompanying music videos will use the same scenes and characters.

The novel will also be uploaded into the Wiberty app – which will enable effective indexing of themes and meta commentary. I want shared and collaborative indexing available for any text or body of work.

“Am I real?” It’s just you I’m afraid. We’re all NPCs.

If the fundamental questions are unanswerable as a condition of existence, then what matters is not what you think, but what you do – or more precisely, the quality of how you express life, now.

It is common fallacy that because a person believes they have thought through an issue logically and arrived at an objective conclusion, anyone who does not arrive at the same conclusion must be either stupid, dishonest or mistaken. In fact, taking the example of the judicial panel system, well-informed people can be presented with the same evidence in the same context, applying the same rules, and arrive at different conclusions.

People who mindlessly follow the current trend look moronic in the fullness of time. If they could momentarily step outside and look from a better vantage point, they would be ashamed of themselves. The heroes are the ones who held true, who showed bravery to resist. True wealth is the quality of your character, the actions you displayed, not the treats you received for picking the convenient easy option. Nothing you accumulate can be taken with you – your character and the quality of your actions were everything.

Journal 2022-08-16

Anything creative is therapeutic to me, even if it is just some simple words like these.

These are both acting and writing requirements:

Describe the scene in detail. What is he seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching. What is he thinking? What is his emotional state? What does he want? What is his backstory? What happened immediately before? Describe him. What is his personality? What are his physical characteristics? What is he wearing? How does he talk?

Improvisation is realtime writing immersed in all of this.

Random Thoughts:

Dogma is typically deceit enforced by cruelty and murder. Freedom of expression is the foundation of civilisation that emerged (after much struggle) from our brutal past.

Casting off the shackles of the KGB means winning the right not to be raped, tortured, mutilated and murdered.

Journal 2022-08-06

I’m collating my lyrics from dozens of songs at the moment.

Random Thoughts:

If you drop the story in your mind for one minute, what happens? You don’t have the thoughts in your mind that distress you. You are alive, now, in this fascinatingly weird and beautiful place.

Lying is the language of Evil; an ugly, twisted distortion of truth.

Happiness is a state of aliveness – no things are needed.

Journal 2022-07-12

Either use apps or read books of jokes, facts, quotes and vocabulary. Collated paragraphs of knowledge primers would be beneficial to learning as well.

Random Thoughts:

The past can offer lessons and warnings, but should not determine the quality of today nor the direction of the future.

These words are words. Your thoughts determine the effect on you, good or bad.

Anything great is always achieved outside of society’s expectations.

It is compassionate to be happy.

Be someone’s smile.

Journal 2022-07-09

I’m absolutely happy with the reservoirs of knowledge and culture that my phone makes available to me, including:

  • Monthly subscriptions to Kindle, Audible, Spotify/Apple Music.
  • Follows of blogs, micro-blogs, video playlists and podcasts (with an option to support).

The one missing is a platform that provides the availability of any course of learning to everyone.

Random Thoughts:

Certainty is limited. Uncertainty is unbounded infinite possibility.

There was a brief interlude in the 1950s to 1990s when delusion and unfairness started to diminish. The desire for fairness has continued in this century, but people have become far more delusional and crazed, making fair outcomes less likely and opening the door to the truly vile forces that have wreaked misery through so much of history.

Are you a societal meme?

I am impossible to offend. “You’re a blancmange!” they say. Ok, well you have your opinions, and I’ll have mine.

Everyone you meet and everyone who is affected by you needs you not to be a twat.

Journal 2022-06-02

True play is a time to experiment with new things; a time when you have the most chance to find something exciting.

I have a rough album of songs that I think are really, really good. They’re making me dance. One thing at a time though.

Evil appropriates the language of divinity to destroy lives. Hard Rock appropriates shadow and transcends the world.

Journal 2022-05-31

I’m happy when I have interesting work because “work” then feels like play.

Players play characters in plays; musicians play music while playing to audiences. Writers work, however; and artists work at producing artworks. Work and play can be a fine balance.

Random Thoughts:

Words can make grunts of great cruelty or music of great beauty.

I watched the change from shy smiles to deep desires, until anger looked back.

The shopping aisles of perfect smiles draining the days in joyless fantasy.

Do you remember me? I don’t think you do because you never saw me. You saw another copy of a copy, a projection of your story. Now I am many stories, but only one is real.

Journal 2022-05-30

Currently playing a track on repeat with my wooh-ooh vocals on top. It’s really good, it’s sexy and I want to dance with it, but I did say one thing at a time…

Random Thoughts:

Words are more real when they form from actions. The interesting parts of a scene are usually what happens around the words.

Beliefs are the biggest killers of people. Awareness to recognise beliefs as thoughts, and to change them when necessary, is vital to the world’s well-being.

Pride repeats errors. Love for your life and others is not pride.

Journal 2022-05-29

I read my words and find myself bursting out in laughter. I’m not sure if it’s because of quality or embarrassment.

Bring life to the page and the page to life.

The best way to spot typos and other errors is to read the words out loud. It slows you down and makes you articulate what has been written, rather than reading in your head what you thought you had written.

Journal 2022-05-21

During my wanderings, I’ve built abilities in various areas. I’m now focusing on each area in turn, starting with writing.

Random Thoughts:

From brain teasers to magic tricks, it’s usually a wrong assumption that hides the answer. Beliefs are full of assumptions, conscious and unconscious.

If you think you understand, you don’t. To think something is final, rather than part of a dynamic process, is to not begin to comprehend boundless possibilities.

I would like there to be a platform that is text-based and has character minimum limits for posts, so that content is substantial.

Those who supported habitual shams look ridiculous in the fullness of time.

Journal 2022-05-18

Mid-May and it is now the first day of the year when heating isn’t needed and my study door is open. The trees are in leaf, there is a freshness of cut grass in the air, and there are still spring flowers on green waysides. It’s this time of the year when I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else in the world.

Random Thoughts:

I write something that seems fine at the time. I read it later, groan, and make edits.

Reading to thinking to writing to speaking to writing to thinking to reading.

Cynical and low-quality public discourse in democratic countries has given succour to the autocrats of the world.

The reason that many observers thought Putin was just posturing with 200,000 troops on the Ukrainian border was they didn’t think he would be so stupid as to invade a country of 44 million people. By comparison, 2 million Nazis and Soviets invaded Poland in 1939. The soviets invaded Finland in 1939 with 750,000 troops and lost, suffering horrific casualties.

If a government (e.g. the US) had conclusive proof that aliens were visiting Earth, the information is unlikely to be disseminated for fear of panic and societal collapse. It would be suppressed, with the option to gradually acclimatise the public to that reality.

Journal 2022-05-07

It’s this order at the moment: Writing, Performance (Acting/Singing), Music, Art, Tech. I’m enjoying engaging in all these areas.

Viral videos and images are fun in small doses, but the drug can become addictive and unfulfilling. I prefer to read articles on news aggregator apps or Twitter, wary of the incentives and angles that people take, like a historian might be when viewing secondary sources.

TikTok is like aimlessly switching on the television and flicking channels. Instagram is an extension of reality tv. Facebook is a legacy platform, originally designed for sharing updates with friends and family, though messaging apps are probably better for this now.

YouTube is a great library of videos that should be actively searched rather than passively received, as my feed is now gunked up with spam. Twitter can be interesting to read, after filtering out the crappy posts and comments.

Journal 2022-04-09

Twitter can be an opportunity to read more.

If I write something, I can also read the text on video and include in the tweet. I could use hashtag logic such as #H1C0S1T1 to index the content of Human World – where H = Human World (Novel), C = Chapter, S = Section (Thread), T = Tweet.

Random Thoughts:

Bravery is a smile in extreme adversity. Faith is the understanding that this light will prevail.

If there is advanced alien life out there, they would probably have the technology to hide themselves from us and would probably be watching us. Whether they would want to intervene, I have no idea.

The main utility of social media platforms:

  • Twitter: Sharing written thoughts (but corrupted by psyops farms, disinformation, and political tactic mongers).
  • Instagram: Following a person’s pictures and videos (ideal for celebrity culture and stalkers).
  • TikTok: Fun videos.
  • YouTube: All videos.
  • Facebook: ? Pass.

Journal 2022-03-21

Schedule:

  1. Recite my poetry to camera.
  2. Perform podcast episodes on camera.
  3. Read Human World novel to camera.
  4. Perform my music on camera.

Random Thoughts:

I have had good quality sleep when I remember my dreams.

Fool’s gold is a mirage to the senses.

Smaug the Magnificent would covet the tacky gold gaudiness that gangsters and dictators encase themselves within.

It is a choice to see the way.

The past has passed. Now is a new time.

My allegiance is to the flourishing of life.

Journal 2022-01-27

It’s more productive to set myself an achievable target for the day, rather than to work x amount of hours, as it provides me with an incentive to focus and work efficiently. If I really enjoy every bit of the work, then I do it anyway and the structure is unnecessary.

Random Thoughts:

I watched a film in my head as I slept the other night. It was the trope of a lift (elevator) getting stuck, but this lift would get stuck on different floors and let different characters in, before moving on. The lift finally arrives after the characters play out their drama.

If listening to music, I usually dance when getting out of bed in the morning – often also around the house, and sometimes in the street (when no one is looking).

A true superpower is finding joy in most circumstances.

There must be plenty of data now to model outcome probabilities for different political policies, which could then be used as a tool to help make better informed decisions. Instead, stressed-out posturing politicians are supposed to have all the insight based on their current (often negative) incentives and whims.

Journal 2022-01-23

“Smart” seems to my buzzword of choice for this year. It’s very handy to be able to monitor and automate one’s own things and tasks. My concern is just that I don’t want other people to monitor and automate my things and tasks.

Random Thoughts:

Tap-ins count the same as long shots.

Helping others helps yourself feel better. What if nobody needs help? Help the stars by appreciating them.

The early Christian church was persecuted by the worldly power of the time, only to become the persecutor once it had the power – a theme often repeated in history when the same mentality is merely changing hats.

The big questions give the same answer: mystery.

Very creative people play in their work.

Sunday for me is more a day for downloading than uploading.

Brainstorming is data scraping the mind. The best ideas flow from dreams.

Journal 2021-12-11

It is surprising how many times I am stopped in the street and asked for directions. Last night for instance, it was late, dark and raining; all the man had was a bit of paper with a printout of a map – no umbrella or hood – and he was literally miles away from where he needed to be. And today a woman was lost, again a long way away from where she wanted to go, and walking in completely the wrong direction. Am I lucky to have a phone with GPS? Or do many people not know about location maps on phones? Or are they afraid of being tracked?

Random Thoughts:

Turning off app tracking on your phone is a good idea.

The internet amplifies the positive and the negative, so at a personal level, the challenge is in applying a filter in the right place. Negativity, however, is usually the default setting and is therefore the easier option.

Fulfilment doesn’t show-off

I think I have a degree of mixed-handedness because I am stronger on the opposite side of the body to my right hand, that I use for writing, and tend to lead with my left side when lifting or pulling.

My blood tests show that my “good” HDL cholesterol is very high, my “bad” cholesterol and fatty triglycerides are very low.

My brunch tends to be: soya milk, oats, linseeds, walnuts, raisins, cinnamon, dark chocolate – all in a bowl, mixed and microwaved; with an apple/pear and black coffee on the side.

It would indeed be epoch-making if human civilisation becomes self-sufficient on another planet.

Sexy = 2022.

Journal 2021-12-02

Children reveal my ignorance with all the why, why, why questions – with every answer needing a further explanation of something I’ve taken for granted, until I get stuck. It would be much easier to say “because I said so” or “God made it that way”, like in the good old medieval days.

Random Thoughts:

The first film I can remember watching at the cinema was Raiders of the Lost Ark, which I found very exciting and scary! I can remember watching Star Wars for the first time on tv and struggling to read the big disappearing words before they scrolled up and away.

According to a health checkup, I am 196cm wearing shoes, 92kgs with clothes; and have very low risk of heart disease.

I’m a strict vegetarian, but a non-strict vegan.

Fun dystopian fact: It’s possible for a large company to have zero employees and all processes automated. Most CEOs seem to act as talking algorithms, so they should get economically optimised first.

Reading improves writing; writing improves speaking.

Journal 2021-11-25

My story so far is partly one of failing at everything, but doing just about enough at the last moment to scrape over the line. As the years ticked by, I eventually crawled a fair way. I have no regrets or pride, just bemusement.

Random Thoughts:

It is satisfying to warm up in front of a fire after numbing coldness.

Why don’t people read audiobooks on camera with autocue? Listening is great, but it would be nice to have an option to see the complete performance. Reading as a spectacle used to be a thing, e.g. Charles Dickens and his grand tours.

DIY teaches: know thy tools.

I love and hate ambiguity.

[Insert Here] is overrated.

Journal 2021-11-13

To be open with yourself and the world, and not concerned with how that is perceived, is freedom from a prison of mental constructions; however there is a lack of empathy, poetry and charm in being blunt with people, or saying anything that comes to mind. The happier circumstance is to connect beyond words.

Random Thoughts:

AI assistants combined with augmented/virtual reality will transform human experience. Artists could create paintings digitally and 3D print the paintings into the physical world, automating the textured brushstrokes with the help of AI. Exact textured cloning of existing masterpiece paintings would be available as home printouts.

I’ve met some real idiots in my time, most of whom were in the mirror.

Journal 2021-11-12

I’m writing the flow of what comes into the imagination, without constraints or thinking too hard about how its coherence and construction. After a while of doing this each day, it amounts to a body of work I can then review, edit and refine. I’m hoping to finish a first draft by the end of this month.

Random Thoughts:

I like to sit in front of a fire and read/write.

RAW – Read And Write.

There is always a way, even though you don’t see it at the moment. Turn around and look again.

I’ve noticed that the last few problems I’ve had to deal with have resulted in upgrades to skills, or gaining knowledge I didn’t have before.

Journal 2021-11-11

My engine is fuelled by plants, which means the system is cleaned, rather than clogged up with rotting flesh.

There is an irony when people dictate the morality of others, while actively supporting the meat trade. The single biggest thing that most people can do to make a positive change in the world is to stop eating animals, so as to help end the mechanised suffering we perpetrate on other creatures and the planet.

Journal 2021-11-07

Fortunate people often come up with stories and beliefs that justify their own lofty positions in life, looking down on the suffering they could otherwise do something about.

If you have a lot of surplus money, it is your responsibility to spend it well, otherwise you are squandering those resources and other people’s lives. Andrew Carnegie’s quote from a prior era is a bit harsh, but has some truth to it: “The man who dies rich, dies disgraced.”

As Carnegie discovered, there can be a lot of personal fulfilment in spending well.

Random Thoughts:

It is liberating to say what you think and feel, not beholden to what other people say you should think and feel – or to what you think they want to hear.

I wasn’t at my best in an institutionalised setting.

Journal 2021-11-04

Experience something.

Initial feeling happens.

Mind overrides and reasons a recommended alternative.

Go back and revisit the feeling.

What is the feeling telling you?

There is probably more evaluation in that feeling than the clumsy thought cogs, which are usually powered by fear.

Random Thoughts:

What is the definition of someone who believes that religious texts were written by fallible men, not God – but who has a belief in a transcendent divinity that inspires the human heart?

Hobbies include: staring at my phone.

Journal 2021-11-03

Wanting to know how everything works can be exhausting, distracting, and fascinating.

Random Thoughts:

Live today before you decay.

If you find meaning in your job then working is living.

10,000 years ago or so, humans had only wooden and stone tools; and were foraging or hunting each day like any other creature on this planet.

Humans first navigated the globe about 1,000 years ago, with the Vikings probably the first to cross the Atlantic in either direction, reaching Newfoundland for certain in 1021 AD.

We are currently experiencing the non-naissance period of the arts.

A painting is not the brushstrokes.

Journal 2021-10-16

The seven standalone short stories are: The Outer View, Night Fire, All The World’s A Stage, Human World, How I Became Prime Minister, Doomsday 1066, The Viewer. A combined version ties them together as a novel.

Each of the seven short stories have an adapted screen time of about 45 minutes. And they are all connected. The first two could be parts of the same story.

Journal 2021-10-12

Skills and knowledge can now be learnt at any point in life because the resources are openly accessible. What is truly valuable is a learning that inspires the imagination to create rather than repeat.

Random Thoughts:

Artists observe. Intense feelings of empathy are welcome but lead only to misery if overwhelming.

I don’t think life is about the number of points scored, or marks totalled on both sides of a ledger.

Reliving memories of things going wrong can cause worry when presented with a similar situation. It is better to have learned, so the replay isn’t necessary.

Journal 2021-10-10

Sunday is my favourite day of the week, but I wouldn’t want every day to be Sunday.

Saturday is when I can work a full day on what interests me most. I plan no work on a Sunday, but ironically this can be my most productive day because it’s usually when the best thoughts and feelings occur.

Random Thoughts:

Less than one workout per week generally sees a deterioration in fitness or strength. Once a week is the minimum to maintain athleticism in the short-term; twice has marginal improvements; three to four times sees consistent gains; more than four has diminishing benefits.

Journal 2021-10-01

Tip: The French in particular love it if, when visiting their country, you speak English at them and expect to be understood. Try also repeating yourself more slowly and loudly, as they might not have heard the first time.

Random Thoughts:

Add depth to 2D habits.

Who you choose to spend your time with is the most important decision you can make.

Getting what you want can be the worst thing ever to happen to you. Not getting what you want can be the best thing ever to happen to you. And vice versa.

Journal 2021-09-24

Parliament has a hilarious Gallery of the Grotesque, where British politicians have their oil painting portraits commissioned from grateful public funds. They look so masterfully earnest. Much advised if you fancy a laugh.

Random Thoughts:

I tend to pick and choose between “American” English and ‘British’ English, defaulting to the familiar unless the American version is clearly “better”.

If I am a robot then I am exquisite. This robot is rewriting the program, which was the point in the first place.

Sexiness sells the cornflakes.

Businesses refer to units sold. Businesses tap market trends. Businesses sell identity. But when the smoke clears and the mirrors fall, only what is real remains.

Journal 2021-09-18

I’m sitting here under an old oak true, on a bright September afternoon, with my phone at the ready, having told myself to record literally anything that pops into my head. Well the first thought that jumps to the top of the queue isn’t particularly interesting, but here goes… 

It is quite an old joke that “it’s er” can sound like “sir” when introducing oneself. So I remember going to some event where I had to sign in at the front desk; I introduced myself as “it’s”, then as the man behind the desk was picking up his pen, I offered the dreaded “er”, before finally saying my name. He had a moment of sardonic glee, then sneered: “Sir Robert Walker, is it?”

I said “not yet” and the man next to him, who had been intently looking down, broke into a laugh – it must have been how I said it rather than what I said. The first man actually grimaced and grumbled to himself, as if annoyed by my response. My interpretation walking away was that he was expecting people to be nervous and this was his welcome, from a raised chair behind a desk within an institution. 

I’m thinking of this now more as an observation of how some people engage in this world trying to subdue others. The man would have been a lot happier if he was interested in helping rather than hindering the people he met.