Mr. Crabby

FINN: I can’t believe we’re stranded here, Mr. Crabby. We need to get off this island!

Mr. Crabby clicks his claws.

FINN: I know, I’ll write a message in a bottle! (reading while writing) “I’m stranded on a desert island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. Please help!”

The bottle is tossed into the ocean.

FINN: That oughta do it. Now we just have to wait for someone to rescue us. (frustrated) Ugh, I’m so bored. You know, I’ve been here for weeks and no one has come to save me.

The crab clicks his claws.

FINN: Oh, you’re so right, Mr. Crabby. I’m not alone. I have you, my dear friend.

Mr. Crabby makes his distinctive clicking sound again.

FINN: What do you mean? You’re not tired of me yet, are you? Hang on a sec, that’s a bottle coming back on a wave. Someone has responded already.

He fishes it out of the water and removes the cork.

FINN: (reading) “We found your message. Can you please be more specific?” What do they mean? I told them I was stranded on a desert island somewhere in the Pacific. What more do they need?

Mr. Crabby clicks his claws, as if suggesting something.

FINN: They want more location details, huh? (reading while writing) “The island is small, sandy, and surrounded by water. You can’t miss it!”

Mr. Crabby interjects with a click.

FINN: Yes, okay, Mr. Crabby. “And by the way, there’s a crab with me who likes to click his claws while giving good advice.”

Mr. Crabby clicks his claws again.

FINN: Even more details than that? Crikey! “The sand is yellow, and the water is blue. I haven’t had a shower in weeks, my clothes are torn, and I’m starting to talk to a crab.”

The bottle is corked and thrown back into the ocean.

FINN: There! That should do it. What do you think, Mr. Crabby? Will we finally be rescued?

The crab remains silent.

FINN: Fine, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Hang on, what’s that! It’s another bottle. They really are quick, aren’t they!

The bottle is retrieved and uncorked.

FINN: (reading) “We’re sorry, but we still can’t find you. Any more information?”

FINN: What could they possibly want to know now? Do you have any ideas? (the crab clicks) Oh, I know! (reading and writing) “I like long walks on the beach, piña coladas, and getting caught in the rain.” (aside) This is getting ridiculous. (writing) “I’m the only person on the island, wearing a red shirt and blue shorts.” How could they miss me, Mr. Crabby?

Finn puts the cork in the bottle and tosses it back into the ocean.

FINN: (to the crab) You’re not going to judge me, right? (the crab clicks its claws) Okay. I didn’t tell them that you are my only friend. Or how you like to listen to me talk about my problems. Hang on… another bottle!

FINN: (reading) “We received your message. Can you tell us more about the crab?”

FINN: I can’t believe this! Do you know what this means? (the crab clicks his claws) Yes, that’s right, we need to take a selfie! I’ll use my phone.

There is a phone click and a photo taken.

FINN: And now I’ll use my portable printer…

A printer prints their selfie.

FINN: …and put the photo of us into the bottle.

The bottle is tossed back into the ocean, again.

FINN: I wonder how long I’ll have to wait… oh, hang on, there’s a bottle now!

FINN: (reading) “We’re sorry, but we cannot help you at this time. Good luck! P.S. Have you tried using your phone to call for help?”

FINN: Oh my god! Why didn’t I think of that before? Mr. Crabby, why didn’t you say something? You’re fired! (the crab clicks its claws) Just kidding, buddy, you’re my best pal.

Finn dials and makes a call.

OPERATOR: “Hello, this is Pacific Island Rescue Service.”

Mr. Crabby continues to click his claws, unfazed by anything.

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