I Don’t … But


Two friends, Jake and George, are watching TV.

Jake: (eating cake) Hey, George, I don’t mean to be rude, but have you put on some weight?

George: (surprised) Uh, what? That is kind of rude, Jake.

Jake: Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. But I just noticed you look a bit heavier than you used to be.

George: (mildly irritated) Yeah, thanks for noticing, Jake.

Jake: It’s all part of getting older, I suppose. I don’t mean to be rude, but have you thought about going on a diet?

Jake has a bulging mouth full of cake and the remnants on his chin.

George: (exasperated) Jake, you’re literally being rude. And for your information, I’m already working on it, not that it matters.

Jake: (innocently) Oh, sorry again. I didn’t mean to be rude. But I just thought I’d offer some helpful advice.

George: (sarcastically) What’s next? You gonna tell me you don’t like my hair or something?

Jake: Hey, I don’t mean to be rude but your hair looks terrible and you need a haircut by someone who knows what they are doing. (Jake is balding)

George: Will you stop saying, “I don’t mean to be rude” but then mean to do it anyway. It doesn’t make sense.

Jake: (figuring it out) Okay, I do mean to be rude, you’re an idiot.

George: I do mean to get cross …

Jake: Okay, okay, I didn’t mean anything by it. BUT…

George rolls his eyes in exasperation while Jake thinks what he wants to But about next.

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