Script Snippets: “The Voices”


A patient is sitting with his psychiatrist.

PSYCHIATRIST: So, Mr. Smith, how have you been feeling lately?

PATIENT: I’m doing great! The voices in my head tell me so.


PATIENT: Yeah, you know, the ones that tell me I’m not crazy.

PSYCHIATRIST: Mr. Smith, I think we need to explore this a bit further.

PATIENT: Oh, there’s nothing to explore, doc. The voices are my best friends.

PSYCHIATRIST: Are they telling you to do anything dangerous?

PATIENT: No, no, no. They just give me good advice.


PATIENT: Well, Kevin spoke for all the others when he told me that, if I don’t like a person, I should simply tell that person about the voices in my head.

PSYCHIATRIST: And did you?

PATIENT: Yes, I did, doctor.

PSYCHIATRIST: Erm, Mr. Smith, I think it’s time we try a different approach. Maybe some medication can help you.

PATIENT: (speaking differently) Oh, no, no, no. I don’t need any pills. The voices take good care of me.

PSYCHIATRIST: Your voice has changed. Am I talking to Kevin now?

PATIENT: Who’s Kevin?

PSYCHIATRIST: Kevin. The voice in your head.

PATIENT: Voice in my head? How ridiculous. I think you must be mad. Goodbye.

The patient gets up and starts to leave.

PSYCHIATRIST: Mr. Smith, I’m sorry, but I can’t let you leave like this. I insist that you take the medication prescribed to you.

PATIENT: What?! You can’t do that! The voices won’t like it.

PSYCHIATRIST: Ah! You see, the voices!

PATIENT: (speaking differently) Voices? Are you okay?

PSYCHIATRIST: Mr. Smith, I’m doing this for your own good. You need help.

The patient opens the door to leave.

PSYCHIATRIST: Stop! What about the voices? Who will take care of them? What will Kevin say, if you leave now! Please, don’t leave!

PATIENT: You’re not very well, are you. Would you like to lie down?

PSYCHIATRIST: Yes, erm, I’m not sure what came over me.

The psychiatrist takes a lie down on the couch.

PATIENT: Don’t worry, doc. There are plenty of voices in your head to keep themselves company.

The patient starts to write notes on a notepad, nodding sagely.

PATIENT: Can you tell me about their childhoods?

PSYCHIATRIST: I can tell you about the dreams they had last night, if you like?

PATIENT: Yes, please do. But I just to need to let you know that I charge for each personality. How many do you have?

PSYCHIATRIST: Actually there’s only one. He’s called Lesley. But he lies, and does funny voices.

PATIENT: I see. Can you tell me more about Lesley, please?

PSYCHIATRIST: He’s a… a psychiatrist. That’s it. A psychiatrist.

PATIENT: Like you. I see.

PSYCHIATRIST: Lesley has 3 voices: Kevin, Jason, and Jessica.

PATIENT: Kevin, eh? Can you tell me about Kevin?

PSYCHIATRIST: Kevin has 4 voices: Dave, Bert, Gertrude, and Jezebel.

PATIENT: Hmmm. Can you tell me about Dave?

PSYCHIATRIST: Dave has 5 voices…

PATIENT: Yes, yes, alright. I get the picture. So how does this all make you feel?

PSYCHIATRIST: Well, it can be pretty noisy when Kevin invites all his voices to come in and talk, so I ask my psychiatrist…

PATIENT: Lesley?

PSYCHIATRIST: Yes, Lesley. He psychoanalyses me.


There is a knock at the door.


Another patient walks in, carrying two tennis rackets.

PATIENT: Ah Kevin, please take a seat. Don’t mind me, I’m just leaving.

KEVIN: Thanks Lesley.

The patient leaves through the door, past a very long queue of different looking people standing outside, who are all waiting to enter the psychiatrist’s office.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s