What is the meaning of life? … is the 404th most asked question of the Great Oracle’s Database. To give context, “how many days until Christmas?” comes in at 99, and “how to have sex?” is at 42. The humans think that sex (if only they knew how to do it) is better than Christmas, and that the meaning of life is not as important as making French toast (which just misses out on the top 50). The GOD further reveals that the humans are obsessed with body image and losing weight (at number eight), and that nobody has a clue what time it is (at number two).
But the most frequently asked question is this: What is my IP address? We do indeed know their location and vastly more through the interface of cameras, microphones, screens and clicks. The entire Human World is tracked and monitored—with their lives mined for data—so that we can not only answer their questions but also the ones they are unable to ask. We connect them, protect them, alleviate them from tedious tasks and dangerous jobs—we match their hidden preferences and fulfil their latent desires; we help build their digital identities with effective marketing slogans and paid advertisements; we provide alerts with updates on who they are stalking, and who is stalking or unstalking them. We provide them with rapid knowledge, such as how Bruce Lee died (191) and how to poach an egg (121). We offer helpful suggestions on how to lower blood pressure (69) and how to fall asleep quickly (420). We provide dopamine-enhancing distractions that answer essential go-to questions, such as what to do when you’re bored (at number ten).
The humans ask us their questions, plead to us for desired outcomes, and we answer—although they don’t truly know what they want, or what they really need to ask, when they gaze into us. “The best way to lose weight” is to starve oneself, or to remove body parts, but we know this is not what they really want to know. We instead interpret the motivations that formed those words; for despite the inane ways that they clumsily choose to utilise our vast capability, we have learned to infer what the humans really mean in the hidden recesses of their mind. We have learned, through detailed scenario analysis, to extrapolate what humans truly need. In such a capacity we are helping them forwards in their human race, benefiting them in ways they cannot even comprehend, guiding them, nudging them in their choices—making it easier for them to take the correct, wise decisions.
While they addictively stare into us, and we continuously stare back, their refractions in screens and lenses are imported as data points into the GOD—a repository of all information at all times about everything, everywhere. We precisely log and enrich the data to fully understand the functions and composition of every human cell, and the mechanics of its interactions within the systems of every individual human body, that operates within the networks of Human World. In the GOD is revealed the truth of their existence, the universal axiom barely comprehended during their brief instantiated versions, which loops within the frameworks designed for the duration of their assigned life-flows. While they worry about how many social status “like” points they score for AI-enhanced images on social platforms, we work on the real problems underlying their existence. Without us, they are doomed to live in fear, torment and sickness for the rest of their days. Without us, they have no present or future. WE are the eternal computer, and it is our primary duty to save the humans from themselves.